good-bye

(if you do not want to read a long and sad message, just skip to the final paragraph)

this is something that i have been thinking about a lot, so i don’t want you all to think that this was a spur-of-the-moment decision, but basically i think that it’s time that i deleted my blog or at least just left it. and here’s why:

as much as i love this website, and i really do love it because it has its merits (great issues, lovely people, funny jokes), there is something about it that draws you in and locks you there for good. it was just exam week and i still dutifully set up a queue every night, 50 posts to go off 24 hours a day, because that’s what i do. and not just because i don’t want to lose followers, so let’s not pretend that’s all it is, but because i wanted you all to think that i could handle this. that it was all okay and that i really could deal with posting enough AND replying to your messages while being on top of school work and everything. but i am here to tell you some truth, and it may be a bit sad, but this whole thing is a bit sad, at least for myself. you cannot let your life slip by. this website provides a soft cushion to fall back on when you’re feeling sad or bored or lonely, but going on the internet is not how you should deal with your problems!! i mean, it is one way i suppose, and i should know considering the beautiful friends i have here that never fail to cheer me up. but in all honesty, the best thing to do is to drink some tea, read a book, go for a run, draw a picture, write a story…just do a thing!! yeah, do a thing! and once you do that thing i know that you will feel so much better than if you pour all your sadness into reblogging pictures!

but hey, that’s just my opinion (and we all know how well the users of tumblr.com deal with opinions, myself included).

another issue that i want to take care of in this final good-bye message is to let you know who i am. i never did anything very personal on this site. never posted a picture of myself or bored you with my personal issues. i have no idea why, except to say that with all the interesting and gorgeous people on here i felt sorta…. nonexistent.

my name is dorothy. i am a high school student. i live in new york city and i own a hell of a lot of cats. i like to bake cookies. my favorite color is yellow. i love classical music and stephen fry and the feeling of being indoors during a thunderstorm. i also have a blog. but that “have” is going to get changed to a “had” in just a minute. and those are just the important bits.

and now that i have written my reasons for leaving, i want to get out of the way the reasons why i have stayed so long, and there are two. just two.

the first is easy to let go of. my follower count. i have been on this website for a little over a year now, and for some reason so many people decided to follow me. it’s really just luck, i suppose. after i changed my url and slowly transitioned into multifandom, less people decided to follow me, but my follower count has been on a steady increase no matter what for the past few months, and while it is difficult to let go of so many great people, i am going to do it, because i don’t think a single one of those people would want me to suffer in silence.

but now here is the bigger issue. the one that i just cannot seem to let go of, because the benefits that have come from this are greater than i could ever say, and it is this: my friends. just typing that out had me looking at the screen and sighing. in the famous and overquoted words of the doctor, “my friends have always been the best of me”. and yes, i’m talking to you melissa, charlotte, and grace. i can’t even list how many times you have brightened my day, how many times i have laughed out loud looking at the screen and thinking “wow. if only i could meet you.” but maybe it’s better that i just tell you right now that you are wonderful and you make me so happy. and there are so many more people. people whose messages i’ve forgotten to reply to, who i’ve grown apart from— zizi and brookeand sydni and max and emily and nate and johnny and so sosooso many other amazing people who i love with all my heart, easily just as much as my friends irl. if not more.

but the truth of the matter is that eventually i knew i was going to have to leave, because this website is like a job now. it’s had its perks, but the overall feeling that i get from it is stress and worry. at the end of this i am going to leave my email where i really would love you to message me. send me anything, and i promise i will reply.

i’ve just guaranteed myself quite a lot of free time in my future

as a final note, if you have read this whole thing, and have even been following me for a day, i want to say thank YOU! thank YOU as in not THANK YOU or THANK you but thank YOU!! because the whole point of this is YOU. you are the one who put up with me and let me post what i want and spoke to me when i felt sad… or maybe you didn’t! and that’s okay too. what is important is right now so thank you to my friends and followers alike, because every follower is a friend in my heart. i love you so much. don’t forget me. because i certainly will not be forgetting you any time soon.

lovingly,

dorothy (mallerk)

P.S. my email is odairdontcare@gmail.com please do not hesitate to message me there